First off, let me begin by saying this is not some “I Hate All Men; I Am Feminist Hear Me Roar” think piece. This is honestly just a question that’s been on my mind for a few days, and I just need some feedback. K? Good.
I am a hopeless romantic. Although my previous love life has kicked my ass, I still have hope that someone out there will be my happily ever after. Unfortunately, dating over the age of 30 is pure, unfiltered hell. There’s almost always some major downfall to even the nicest guy (missing important teeth, his mom is “living with him”, etc). But no matter the circumstance, even the dustiest negro will poke out his chest and tweet about today’s women and their inability to submit.
Here’s the thing: I know that when I do find the right guy, I’ll have to put in serious effort to learn how to step back and let him lead me. In my previous relationships, I was always the bread winner, as well as the domestic one. So letting someone else be in control is just not something I’m familiar with. But it’s something that I do want.
BUT…….
Bruh, how am I gonna submit to you if you’re catching the bus while I’m driving down the freeway? How can you lead me when you’ve been living on someone’s couch while I’ve been maintaining a residence on my own? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not about who makes more or “brings home the bacon”. But you gotta bring something to the table other than dick if you’re supposed to be the head of the household.
If you’ve listened to our radio show, I’ve been completely honest about the dipshit decisions I’ve made when it comes to dating. I’ve always overlooked certain things that I feel a man my age should have (car, apartment, a light coin) because I understand that life happens. We all have rough patches, so who are me to judge?
The problem is, instead of being the Blac Chyna to his Rob Kardashian, I’m the Yvette to his Jody. Yes, I have let a man drop me off to work in MY car. Don’t judge me either heffa.
Realistically tho, if I’m giving you transportation and taking care of all of the bills, how in the hell am I supposed to submit to you? You gotta be able to lead yourself before you can lead me. And if I’m putting all of my time, effort, and $$$ into getting you on your feet, guess who the leader is in this equation.
What’s your opinion? Can Jahquan play his Xbox all day while you’re at work, but still be considered the head of your household? If he’s slanging mixtapes at Valero while you’re working to pay all of the bills, is it still your job to submit? Comment below or on the social media outlet that led to your post. We’re in a judgement free zone. 🙂
teaintheshade.com 
Well. I’m no expert,but I do think that we have a sense of what our mate is about. We are human and lack something,but if a man has no sense of direction,goal,prayer life,work habit,or standards of what he should do(or be) as a man,how can he lead? There are men who have vision and hustle towards that vision,and there are grown boys who are just followers ,and strolling through life with priorities out of wack! I have been on both sides of the fence,so no judgment here. Just giving my 2 cents.
That’s very true. And I think a lot of times, especially in the beginning, we’re too quick to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of looking at people and their qualites (or lack thereof) just as they are. It’s all a learning experience, thankfully. Lol
I have lived a situation with a man/boy who did just what you said…slang CD’s while I paid ALL of the bills & no I couldn’t submit. I couldn’t even allow him to leave a toothbrush at my crib which he tried to sneak in & do, it was the worse, I felt like his Mother. I couldn’t even love him the same. I know he felt emasculated on numerous occasions & I know there was a great deal of disrespect that he felt coming from a woman. I don’t believe a man feels like a man when his woman is playing the head. He has to stand up in order to have a woman submit, that’s my opinion.
Yes. I was in a similar situation, except he was doing comedy instead of music. He said all of the time that I disrespected him but it wasn’t my intention. It sounds crazy but I respected him as an individual, but not as “my man”, if that makes sense. And he didn’t really step up to try to change that.
Damn…this really hits home for me and like many other women i know,,,If bro not bringing home the bacon,eggs and cheese im not submitting to anything..One thing i would let him know off top is i know what i bring to the table and im not afraid to eat alone…Don’t get me wrong im sure every woman has had that one man that they tried to help out at the beginning, but some shit becomes redundante if nothing changes nothing changes..I cant and won’t put up with no broke ass man..if im gonna put up with a broke ass man who cant bring water to tha table then i might as well have me a sugar-daddy on the side or a splackavellie….thats Unattractive and i cant see myself being happy with him so he’s gonna have to move around before i do..
Well, my husband brings home the bacon, eggs, grits and cheese and after 9yrs together and almost 7 married I am still trying to get to the completely submissive part. I have been the stay at home wife and mom but, had to go back out into the working world because I felt like something was missing, still having the feel gor a piece of independence. There is nothing wrong with veing submissive as long as he is worth being submissive to but, never lose your sense of self….
Thank you for your comment. And that’s very good advice. I have a very bad habit of losing myself in a relationship because I’m so focused on trying to be the “perfect” mate and better half. So your advice is greatly appreciated.
I would say you can’t submit to someone who is not worth being submissive to. You gotta pay the cost tobe the boss. Everybody has to start from someone and by all means be supportive and boost his confidence but, if your not seeing any improvement and he is not trying to take care of home it’s time to move around….
That’s true. I think one of my biggest downfalls is realizing when it’s time to move on. People make it like it’s bad for a woman to have high standards, but we should. Nobody wants to waste time.
I believe that its ok to help out if he is down on his luck…. But, if he’s not trying to do anything or even get out there and slang them mixtapes or have some type of hustle or pep in his step on being the man in the relationship I can’t get with it….. Because now have to be the man of the house and I feel like as a woman we need a man that can hold it down as far as provide… I was raised with my mom and dad so the expectations for the man that want to be in my life have to match my dad or come harder than my dad, because my dad came hard for his family and that’s something I always wanted… Either be the man you should be, instead of playing on them fonky ass video games, laying all up on my couch (done layed on it so much there’s a damn dent in it) eating up all my groceries and snacks and your not contributing HELL NAW!! U can’t even buy soap or toilet tissue I can’t fuck with it….. Sorry I’m over 30 and its just some shit I can no longer accept from a mf…. Aaaanndd this ain’t a *BUILD A NIGGA” store you better grow you some balls yung man and handle up! I cannot and will not submit unless he shows me that he is trying to get it and he doesn’t give up until he get it!!!! #GetyoshitTogether #HustleorElse #NoBumZone
Well said
Yup. So true.
Honestly, I can’t respect anyone who can’t carry their weight. The Bible says that a man who doesn’t work doesn’t eat. Yeah we are to submit ourselves to our husband but that’s when he submits himself first to the will of GOD. And God will states that he leaves his childish ways and leave his parents and cleave to his mate. He is suppose to be the provider and the protector. Not the other way around. In my opinion we sometimes as women look at the potential and not the signs we look at what he can be and not what he is now. Now I’m all for building a man up. But to completely build up a man HELL NO. The man will give sign on a change and he will give you a sign if he full of crap.
Hello Ladies was doing a search on this subject I’m doing a series of sermon about being a man worth submitting to can you I see that you want the man to be a provider, but can you also let me know some of the other charactertics a man needs for you to submit to.
Excuse the typos