Until Death Do You Part: Love Advice from a Psycopath

Til Death

We all have had someone we cared about do the Cupid Shuffle all over the shattered pieces of our heart.  Well not anymore. Congratulations!!! You just saved years on your heartbreak insurance. I am sharing plans that will keep your emotional loss to a minimum…that’s right you are switching to Psycho.

 kim

The hardest part is getting over what people will think about you. Your friends will call you crazy and in my case they will bring it up every chance they get.  But that’s okay because you are protecting your heart, your health, and potentially innocent sidepieces (because your psychotic tales will spread and eventually women will know not to touch your man). It is my goal to put all those cheesy talk shows to death by using preventative force. Welcome to my guest segment exclusively on TeaInTheShade.com,

          “Until Death Do You Part”
 
The first step is to understand and document your significant other’s  (S/O) honesty vs. lie tales by watching body language, word choice and eye patters. That’s right, we are going straight to FBI one on one. Ask a question that you know your S/O will be honest about like “Do you want me to cook tonight?” This response will be honest, so watch EVERYTHING.  Be sure to write down your findings.

lie 
Your second step is to ask him a question you know your S/O will lie about, but this may require a test situation. Find someone that you S/O will like physically and have them casually bump into you two while you are out.  When they leave, ask your S/O did they find them attractive.  If the sneaky bastard is honest then the next step is to ask are they more attractive than you. Continue this line of questioning until you get an obvious lie. Document their body language, tone, and breathing pattern during this lie. Save this information and from now on refer to this when you need to know when your S/O is lying vs. telling the truth.
 

Congratulations……..you are on the first step to a healthy relationship!

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